5/30/06
Did you guys have a good night? I sure did...hehehehehe. For those of you who didn't get that crypic message, I was on Last Comic Standing tonight! And I advanced to the semi-finals! I know, I know, a lot of people were pissed that I kinda teased you by saying in my various emails, "Well, they might show me...", I had to be, it's called "keeping a secret". Anyway, keep watching. Again, I can't say what happens, but you at least know I'll be on next weeks episode. And for those of you who didn't see the show, I've uploaded my clip on the Video Clips page, so check it out....not to quote Angel Salazaar or anything.

I am exhausted, I've been up for 4 hours editing the clips and updating the site. And now I have to get up to fly to Florida tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, I get to see my family, very happy about that. I'm actually going down there for my brother's engagment party. Yay.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone who sent me emails and MySpace messages congratulating me...I really appreciate it, more than you know. Fuck, it's so weird, ya know? I remember when it happened and now I'm reliving it. Bizarre. Well, let's hope that this brings more success. Alright, I'm off to beddy by...Schultz out!

5/29/06
I am exhausted, I spent the whole day shooting. No, not a gun, (that wasn't funny Flip) but I was shooting a little project that hopefully will become something bigger. You know me, I don't like to jinx things, let's just hope it explodes into the thing that I think it could be. You'll have to forgive me, I'm really tired so I probably am not making much sense now. Plus I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, I've got to do my laundry and finish shooting and then get home to watch Last Comic Standing. I might be on it since I did audition in Miami. Be sure and watch. I'm kinda nervous to tell you the truth, I have no idea what they might've done to my set...or to me. You've got to remember, when they interview people, they can edit it to make you look stupid. Again, they interviewed so many people, so who knows if mine will even make it on. But here's to hoping...

Well, I hate to cut this short, but like I said, I'm spent. Hope you guys had a great Memorial Day and I'll talk to you later.

5/25/06
You know something...I'm a really good comedian. I don't want to sound egocentric or anything like that, but I just had some really amazing experiences in the last 2 days that put that realization in my head. I went up at two seperate venues, both of which are not comedy clubs, and both of which had crowds that were not very receptive to comedy...until I got up there. Now, I'm not saying that I'm the best, I'm not saying that the comics that went up before me were bad, I'm just saying what I noticed and felt. Like tonight, I did a show at the mostly Hispanic night club, and the crowd was mostly Hispanic. For the 3 comics before me, they didn't really pay attention for the most part, and were chatty. I was, to say the least, nervous. But when I got up there, I just took control of them; I got them in the palm of my hand and didn't let them go. There were times that some of them did start to talk a bit, or I felt them slip a little, but I always got them back. And to be honest, I don't know specifically what I did. Lately I've been doing something on stage that I call 'narcasm', that's sarcastic narciscm. To be so narcasistic that people know it's really sarcastic and not real. There's a certain comedy and charm in fake narcasism. So maybe that's it, but other than that, I've just been myself. Just kinda goofy and confident in the material I have. It's a wonderful feeling...especially when I can get a room like that to pay attention and laugh.

And to be honest, I like doing those rooms...almost more than regular rooms. OK, that's not true. But those rooms; the hard rooms, those are great for getting your chops...for training yourself. My analogy (yep, I've got one for this too) is like Rocky III. Remember when Rocky and Clubber Lang are training for their first fight? Rocky is training in a hotel ballroom in front of fans and press, and he's not really trying, just kinda going through the motions...that's what doing comedy is like at a great club. Like the Improv on a Saturday night, it's easy to make that crowd laugh if you know what you're doing. NOW...on the other hand, when Clubber Land is training, he's in some dirty basement drenched in sweat and just grunting and pushing himself. He's alone and he's in pain, but you know that he is working hard and beating himself up...that's what doing rooms like tonight are. They're workout rooms. Rooms that make you better, rooms that teach you what really is funny. And if you can do well in rooms like that...then the other rooms are a piece of cake.

OK, that's your comedy lesson of the night. Well, I'm off to bed, I've got to wake up early tomorrow and watch Lost tonight and I'm dying to see the season finale. If you saw it, don't tell me anything...I SAID NOT TO TELL!!! Bastard!

5/20/06
Well, it's the last show of mine here in Alaska and I'm ready to get going. The shows here have been good, and people are great....but man, they are partiers. I got really drunk last night (8 shots'll do it to ya...all sent by the audience), needless to say that this morning I was in a world of pain. I was supposed to go see a glacier today with fellow comedian Tommy Savitt (who happened to be working at the other comedy club in town) and I just felt like complete shit, I stayed in bed. Then after a good meal and a few advil, I felt much better, so I drove to the glacier on my own. I cannot tell you how gorgeous the scenery is up here, I mean it's just astounding. Unfortunately the weather really sucked, so I couldn't get to see the glacier, but like I said, the drive up there was beautiful, so it wasn't a waste of time.

While I was driving I had a really big grin on my face, I'm looking around at all of this beautiful country and realized that I'm getting paid to be here. I'm seeing parts of the world people don't really get a chance to see, I'm experiencing things that most people never get to experience. And I started thinking about a tour that I'm going on in August. I got a call a few days ago from Pablo's manager. And guess where we are going? Come on...guess...no...try again....WRONG! I will be opening a 10 day tour for Pablo in...(drum roll)...London and Stockholm! It's un-fucking-believable! I can't wait!

Anyway, I've gotta get going. For some reason when the people booked my flight, they decided to fly me back at 1:30 AM the night of my show. So I am going to be sleeping a lot on the plane. So I bid you adue. Oh, I will be uploading some pics from up here....

OH YEAH! Check out this song I just did: MySpace - a parody of "My Humps".

5/16/06
Gotta make this short, I'm tired and I've been traveling all day. I'm in Anchorage, it's 10:30 PM my time and THE SUN IS STILL OUT! This is gonna fuck me up. Clippers might win....nope. Over time. I will be sleeping so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see what happens. G'night all.

5/12/06
I so wanted to write in here last night, but I got home so late that I just passed out. What a fucking night. I was at the Improv (shocker) and I was just watching the show. When all of a sudden I see through the corner of my eye someone walk in. I kinda do a double take because it looked like Robin Williams, and he had gone to the Improv Tuesday (I was so pissed I had missed him), so I thought that it could very well be him. Guess what? IT WAS! I couldn't believe it, I mean Robin Williams is the reason I wanted to be a comedian, plain and simple. And there he was, my comedy icon (and most people's I'd guess) standing there in the flesh. I asked him if he would mind taking a picture, and he was so cool, he said "Of course". Unfortunately I only had my camera phone, so I got a so-so picture with him. Well, I thought that the night couldn't get any better...but it did. HE FUCKING PERFORMED!!! He went up and did about 20 minutes, I swear to God, I was in shock. I mean here was one of the best and quickest comedic minds ever performing in front of 80 or so people on a Thursday night. He was just kinda riffing and working on some ideas for jokes, so it wasn't all hilarious, but it was brilliant to watch. Afterwards he was so fucking cool; he just hung out and talked. I asked him if he still works the road, and he said he does. Just so fucking cool. And then a miracle occurred. My friend, Kris was there and she had a real camera. So I got a great fucking picture with him. What a fucking night. And it's such a relief that he was nice. I mean I've heard of people meeting thier idols and they're dicks, or they're not all that they have been built up to be. I'm lucky, both Robin and my other idol are great guys.

Not much else to report, been very lazy lately. Spending most of my time inside just fucking around with my website. Oh....

Had some more bullshit with Dell today! Long story short, the final verdict the other day was that I needed a new motherboard for my new computer. So they sent a technician today who was going to put in a REFURBISHED one! Not even a brand new one, a fucking reburbished. But I said, "fuck it, if it fixes my computer, go for it." Guess what....not fixed. So I called them up and said that I am not happy with this computer and want another one. So this operator that I was talking too (who didn't really speak, nor understand, English very well) thought I said that I wanted my money back. So she had me on hold for 20 minutes and then said to which credit card to I want the money going back to. I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Well, I didn't say that, but I think it was hinted in the tone of my voice. So she said, "Oh, when I asked if you wanted your money back, you said 'yes'" And I said, "I don't recall saying that, this was all just a miscommunication. I just want a new computer." So they are sending me a new one. It should get here while I'm in Alaska next week. Can't wait for that. Well, it's about that time to go off the Improv. I don't know what could top that...maybe Jennifer Aniston alone and desperate. Oh God Please!!!

5/10/06
I'm sick of being on tech support hold with Dell! I've been dealing with these clown rapers for hours now! Come the fuck on, why can't one person just say, "Look, we don't know what's wrong, so we'll either send you a new computer or the new hardware you need." But no, I just keep getting the run around...ok, breath...breath...breath. Whew. Sorry... Actually, their tech help is pretty good, it's just that they take forever. But what's really pissing me off is that I got disconnected three fucking times. That pisses me off. Then I have to go through a labyrinth of automatic operators to finally get back to the point I was at before I got cut off...and not the cool labyrinth either. On a lighter note, I went to a big show last night, it was at the Roxy and it was for Jamie Kennedy's new show Blowin' Up. The show is going to be really funny, and this show was the climax of the series, and I can tell you, it was a helluva party. I really wish I was into hip-hop more, I would've had a better time. :) But it was fun.

JESUS these fucking idiots don't talk to each other....sorry, back to the Dell thing. This fuckhead is telling me to do the same things that the other operator was telling me to do and I'm trying (as nicely as possible) to tell him that I already did this. I would think that the last operator told him what was done already and what I need to fix it. Fuck! Oh, I'm trying to seperate my thoughts now with paragraph breaks, hope you don't mind. Anyway, I am leaving soon, going to the Improv...need to get out. I did get out today, I went to the Promenade, had some lunch and got some stuff for my computer...which seems to be a moot point now. Oy. Anyway, I'm off...unless Mr. Dumpfuck doesn't get his head out of his ass soon.

5/8/06
Sorry for the lack of bloggin, but I've been really sick this past weekend....some kind of viral infection I think. Getting sick always makes me very inward thinking, I really don't have a choice, I'm bed ridden. Anyway, just had some thoughts about love...(now here's what you're thinking)..."Oh shit, is he going to wax philosophic about his lonely love life? Fuck, why can't this idiot just be funny?" Well since you put it that way, I won't go into it, happy? "Yes, thank you". In all honesty it's the same shit that I've rambled on about in MANY a past blog. So I will spare ya'll. On a completely different note, I just found 3 clips of Pablo and myself doing some bits together at the Ontario Improv...they're pretty funny. Check'em out! So now I'm about to pass out; I have been getting tired very easily lately. Again, being sick helps. Lately I have been feeling really good about my career; something big is happening both professionally and performing-wise. I've hosted at the Melrose Improv twice this past week, and both times has just been great...just perfect, you know? Like I fit up there. And this summer with Live At Gotham and other projects...the pieces are coming together. Thanks to all of you for sending those positive vibes my way. Now if you can send me some positive dreams, I'll be very happy. How 'bout Jennifer Aniston wrapped in a bow feeding me Auntie Annie pretzels. Ah...that's great...wait, those are Wetzel Pretzels! You bastards!

5/4/06
I'm feeling quite shitty now...physcially, not emotionally...but thanks for the concern. So I decided to stay in tonight, relax, watch a movie and crash out. I am currently watching Donnie Darko, what a trippy fuck of a movie. Still finding it hard to understand. It's one of those movies you need to watch over and over to maybe understand one spec of meaning from this movie. God I'm tired, I'm going to sleep well tonight. I'm so sick of this gas hiking, it's so ridiculous. I'm almost happy I was sick tonight, at least I don't have to drive anywhere and spend $40 to fill half my tank. How the fuck can people just keep taking this? I know I'm just talking out of my ass here, but we should rise up against these big business oil fucks. What if we just raise our rates on our services to them? Like the plummber of one of these fuckers can charge like $200 an hour...just totally fuck with these guys. Wow, I'm really loopy now. OK, calling it a night...night.