So it's been almost 2 weeks since my last blog; sorry. But in my defense, I've been spending time with the most beautiful baby in the world...no, not one of the Pitt/Jolie wonder children, I mean my niece, Lily. Here's a picture of her with the other most beautiful baby...my baby, Ally.
So adjusting back to 'real life' has been surprisingly easy. I thought my mind would be in a bit of 'what the fuck' space for a little bit, but I'm pretty much back in the groove of things. I guess it's just hard to really wrap my mind around the fact that I was just touring Sweden for 6 weeks.
So now I'm back at the airport. I'm flying up to Mass. for a quick college show tonight, then back to Florida tomorrow...then on Tuesday; back to LA!
Then the next week, I'm going to Vegas with my Dad to celebrate my birthday.
That's another strange thing, I'm really not that excited about my birthday. I mean like compared to when I was a kid; or even a young adult. Like between the ages of 4-21 (maybe 25), birthdays were really big days to look forward to. Another year older; another year closer to the driver's license, or gradutation, or voting (yes, I was excited about voting), or drinking...But now, well now it's just a number. Although this year is a nice little milestone for me.
However I may feel, it's going to be a blast having it in Vegas with my Dad. Then when I get back to LA on the weekend, I'm sure there will be a bit of a par-tay. I know Ally will make sure of that.
And speaking of which, I don't think I mentioned it on the blog yet, but Ally and I are moving in together.
Oh yeah, big move.
I've actually never have done this before; living with a woman I mean, not moving. Actually, I haven't moved in a while too. Not since I first moved out to LA 9 years ago.
Oh shit, boarding now...talk to you later.
First of all, much love to Umeň for some great shows this past week. You guys were amazing. And to Luleň for a surprisingly fantastic 4:00 PM show. Now we have the 8:00 show and WE ARE FUCKING DONE!!!
It's still not hitting me in a realistic sense that in 2 days I'll be back in Florida. I know it logically, but mentally it's not registering; and I'm sure it'll be a day or two before I'm actually adjusted to the change.
I mean seriously, 6 weeks of traveling, hotels, the same people (comedians I mean), performing, Sweden; it really takes a toll. Not a bad toll, just a changing toll...toll/change...GOD, I'M FUNNY!
OK, I'm going to grab a quick bite. See ya after the show.
UPDATE: THE TOUR IS OVER!!!!!!!!! I can't fucking believe it's done. And the last show was fan-fucking-tastic. I could not have gone out with a better show and a better audience. Every crowd on this tour was unreal, tack to everyone who came to our shows!
Now I fly to Stockholm, stay there one night, and fly to Miami on Monday!!!!
I'm literally giddy with excitement....giddy? What the hell; am I a 14th century maiden now?
And again, Lulea, you rocked!
GOOD BYE SWEDEN; I'LL SEE YA NEXT TIME!
Don't get me wrong, this has been an amazing tour and I am beyond grateful to Pablo for bringing me with him, but I'm just so tired and homesick now that I'm having dreams about sleeping in my own bed. I'm literally dreaming about my apartment.
It's so strange, the "real" life that I have back in the states seems like a dream now. Like I've been away from LA for long stretches of time. Hell, there were a few times that I've been gone for 2-3 months. But with those situations, I might've been in Florida for those months with my family and friends. Or I was on a tour that lasted a few weeks, and where I would be in a town for days at a time.
But this tour is just constant traveling, packing, unpacking, loading the van, unloading the van. The same material (with the exception of when I go into the crowd)...it's just so busy and confusing now. Since I left LA in late August, I have slept in 20 different beds; 17 of them on this tour alone...and there's two more beds after today. That'll be 22 differnt beds, different rooms, that I've stayed in. I don't know if anyone outside of this business can comprehend that kind of mind fuck.
Maybe if you're a business person who travels a lot, but even you guys get to stay in one hotel room for a fair amount of time before going to the next.
My point of all of this is that with the constant traveling and moving, when I think about my life back in the states, it feels like it's been years. I mean I talk to my girlfriend and we skype (thank God for skype and webcams), and even though it's only been about 6-7 weeks since we've actually been together, for me it feels like a year. I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that I love her very much, but I know a lot of it also has to do with the traveling.
By the way, have I used the words "traveling", "moving" and "constant" enough?
But only 6 more days before I'm back home.
AND I GET TO FINALLY MEET LILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lily would be my niece!
Well, we've got 5 more hours before the show so I'm going to walk around and kill some time.
But I can't sign off until I thank:
You guys all rocked so hard...hey, rock hard! Ha! God I need to get laid....
They flew out earlier today for the TV interview and was supposed to be back around 10:30 tonight, then we were all going to drive to the next city which is a few hours away. Well as of now (12:21 AM), none of us (us being the other 3 comics still here in Stockholm) have heard from him.
It is raining now, so I'm taking a hunch that the flight might've been delayed or re-routed. But again, we have no idea.
So I'm basically sitting in my room, watching TV, all packed up to leave and kinda tired. I'd love to go to sleep now, but I know the second I get really comfortable, the phone will ring and the promoter will be saying, "Get down to the lobby now! We've got to be on the road in 2 minutes!" And I'll be like, "Hey man, it's 2 AM and you're 4 hours late, I'm sleeping and I was having a nice dream about ice cream and Amazon women. How dare you!!!"
What, I'm the only one who has that dream???
So I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting...
I'm gonna take my shoes off now, fuck it.
So I go online and use the tracking number and I find out that they did try to deliver it, but at 10:50 am! No one was there.
So I call the company, but all of the information is in Swedish and I have NO idea what they're saying. I press a few buttons and get connected with an operator, I explain what happened and she tells me that they only deliver once and that I'd have to pick it up. I told her that I'm just visiting and I don't have a car. She tells me to hold on while she calls the delivery guy...but instead of putting me on hold, she disconnects me.
So now my freak out is getting worse. So instead of trying to call and push random buttons, I go down to the front desk and ask the girl there if she can help me. So she's been on hold for a while and she is being SUPER sweet and helpful. I'm going to give her a CD for being so cool. I was making her too nervous because I was just pacing back and forth while she was on hold. Not even hold really, she was #8 in line to get help. So I told her that I'd go up to my room and just call me when they find something out. And when I left, I noticed she was talking to someone at the company, but I felt I was getting on their nerves, so I just came up to my room.
...but if I don't hear anything in the next 5 minutes, I'm going back downstairs.
I hate that I'm this neurotic. In all seriousness, I'm sure I'll get the shirts just fine. I just hate not knowing what the situation is. I also hate when I expect one thing and ...
OK, just got the phone call. The package can't be delivered to the hotel, but it isn't far from here. So I'm going to have to take a taxi to the place, get the package, and come back.
See, all works out.
So now I'm just waiting to find out where exactly the package is in the place and when it will get there.
On a seperate note, here are a couple of new videos I just posted:
UPDATE: The Shirts are here!!!! Much love to L.E. and the Berns Hotel!!!
Last night we had an amazing show (thank you Uppsala) and I actually sold out of new t-shirts that I got. That's another story, but MAJOR thanks to shirtstore.se and Peo for coming through with an amazing shirt.
So after the show, Pablo wants to move to a new hotel. I was bitching a bit because it was 11:30 at night and I was already settled in the other hotel, but truth be told, this new hotel is 100% better. So thanks Pablo for insisting.
After we check in, we all go out (except for Pablo) and hit this club. We're all celebrating and I have a couple of drinks, a shot and some champange. Needless to say, I was pretty gone. So we get back to the hotel about 3:00 in the morning, and I have this brilliant idea that if I eat some food, that'll soak up some of the alcohol and help be sober up a bit...uh, no. Didn't happen.
After eating a burger and fries, my stomach said, "Yo, what's with this shit? This isn't going to mix well with the booze." So I became incredibly nauceous and could not fall asleep. The room was literally spinning and the only way I was comfortable was sitting up in my bed with my head resting on my knees. Not a pleasant way to sleep. So finally I had to accept the inevitable. I needed to throw up.
I got my drunk ass out of bed, went to the bathroom, did the throat tickle a few times and...well...I don't think I need to finish that part of the story. But damn if I didn't feel better.
So I got into bed and feel asleep...until about 6:40 am when nature called. And then after returning nature's call, I got back into bed...and I could not fall back to sleep. I tossed and turned for an hour or two, called my girl, checked email. Tried and tried to get some sleep, but I just couldn't. As tired as I was, my mind was racing. I've bitched about this before, so you should know how much I hate this, and how often it seems to happen to me.
So now I'm pretty much running on fumes. We have a show tonight and I'm sure by then my adreniline will be pumping pretty hard and I'll give them one helluva show, but for now...whew, I'm just conserving energy as much as possible.
I do think I've come up with a funny line about the situation: "Why do they call in 'being hungover'? Since you're usually puking, we should call it 'being hunch-over'?" Well? Maybe? Eh...it's funny for my twitter page I guess.
Well kids, we're about to go get some dinner and then do the show, wish me luck.
But less than 3 weeks and I get to go home and see my niece! And my girlfriend! And my bed! And my girlfriend in my bed!
Today was quite the adventure, we left Írebro (which I cannot pronounce to save my life) and were on our way to Uppsala. Oh, but before I tell that story, let me just get this little tid bit off of my chest. I was told by the promoter that we were to meet in the lobby at 12:00, noon. As anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a very punctual person. If someone says, "be there at noon", by gum, I'm there at noon with bells on. Bells or bell-bottoms; whatever the occassion calls for.
So 11:55 am rolls around, I pack up the last of my luggage, take the elevator down to the lobby, plop myself on the couch and wait...and wait...and wait...and fucking wait. I call the promoter at 12:15 and he said, "Yeah, we're just on our way down." Fine...hey, a little late, but their on their way down now. Oh, did I mention I hadn't eaten yet and was really hungry? Well I was.
Skip ahead another 15 minutes and everyone strolls on down. Fuck'en A people! If you mean 12:30, tell me 12:30...not fucking noon! I hate that shit. From now on I told them to just call me when they're heading down...and even then, I'll wait another 10 minutes.
OK, so anyway, we leave Írebro and are on the highway when the promoter realizes that we need gas...really bad. The light was on, and even though that meant we still had some gas in reserve, we really should fill up ASAP. So he looks up 'gas station' in the GPS and Mr. T (who is the voice of our GPS...no, I'm not kidding) tells us that there is one about 4 KM away. Roughly 2 and a half miles away. So we're driving, we exit the highway and suddenly we're on some shit-kicking-backwoods-hillbilly-'dear God we're going to be raped' back road somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Pablo is screaming to get off of this road but the GPS, by gum, says that there is a gas station.
By the way, we've now gone WAAAAY past 2 and a half miles.
So we finally after driving through the set of "The Blair Witch Project", we get to the gas station...and guess what? Mr. T was wrong!!!
No gas station...no sign of a gas station...hell, no one even has gas...either kind.
So now the reality of the situation is starting to set in. We could very well run out of gas in the middle of nowhere and have to sit with our thumbs up our ass while someone walks or calls a cab to the closest gas station.
Luckily we found a guy who directed us to a gas station...it was pretty close.
Let me tell you that when you think you might be stranded, dead, raped or all 3...the sight of a gas station/grocery store is the most glorious thing you've ever seen in your life.
So now we're at our hotel in Uppsala...it's a bit smaller than we're used to, but I don't care at this point, I just want to sleep and relax. Reverse that, relax and then sleep.
On a happier note, much love to Írebro...the two shows there were fucking great. As much as I'm looking forward to going home, I am going to miss Sweden and the amazing crowds that have come out to our shows.
I'll see ya guys later.