I'm in Salt Lake City at the airport now, on my way to Verona, NY. for a college showcase tomorrow. I'm going a day early so I can be all rested for the show tomorrow. But that requires traveling on Halloween. I honestly think the last time I dressed up was 9 years ago. Fuck...it's just that every Halloween I've been working or something.

God, I used to love dressing up and going to school in costume. Wasn't that the best? You can actually dress silly and it'd be ok. We usually didn't have any lessons that day; just candy and we'd watch a movie. I'm thinking that was probably during elementary school...well, high school had it moments as well.

One time in high school they had this day where you would dress up as your favorite author. So I decided to dress up as "Weird Al" (who did write a book btw)...but I didn't dress up as just Al; I dressed up as Al from the video "Fat". I was a very popular kid.

...LATER THAT DAY...

OK, so it's now many hours later and I'm on my THIRD flight of the day...and the last. I'm flying into Syracuse, but then I have to drive about an hour or so to Verona. So my day's not over quite yet.

I slept a little on my flight just before this one. I was actually feeling guilty too...I have a confession...

I'm one of those assholes who puts both of their bags in the overhead compartment. I know, I know. I just like my leg room. And last flight all the overhead's were full and some people had to check thier bags. I could've said, "Hey, I'll just put my bag under my chair so you can put yours there." But no, I just stayed quiet. I'm sorry.

Although on this flight (since it's a little prop plane), my bad is under my seat and I'm very crunched in my seat; karma's a bitch, no?

Anyway, I'm at the beginning on an almost non-stop three week tour. I'm in Verona for 2 days, then I fly back to LA. Then the next day, Ally and I fly to Lake Tahoe for the week. I'm working at the Improv there for the first time. I'm really excited. Then we come back from Tahoe, and the next day I fly BACK to the east coast where I'll be at the Boston Comedy Festival. I'm actually performing on my birthday. (Nov. 10...hint-hint), then I fly to Manhatten for 2 days to visit and (hopefully) do some shows. Then back to Boston for a day, then back to LA. Then two days later I fly to Florida to do a college and visit. Then I fly back to LA for 2 weeks and then fly BACK to Florida for work and I'll be there through new years. So it's a lot of traveling.

Sidenote: I'm about 20,000 feet in the air right now and I'm looking out my window; it's literally an ocean of clouds. Like as far as the eye can see it's just clouds. Not one break in them. Just...beautiful doesn't describe it. Miraculous is more the word.

I had this weird thought last night. Like what if everything just made sense in one instant? Like one day you're sitting in your chair and then - "CLICK!" - it all makes sense. Career, money, love, stress, whatever; it all just faded away and you had no worries cause everything made sense. Like what would you do?

If you suddenly knew the secret and meaning of life. If everything else that we (as man, the species) had created (money, stress, pollution, everything) didn't matter anymore? Would you just say, "Fuck it. I get it, I'm going to just kill myself because I know what it's about. And now I want to get to the next level." Or would you try to explain it to people? Or would you keep it to yourself but have a new attitude about everything?

I think I'd do the latter. I'd keep living but know that it all doesn't matter. (again, "it all" meaning the petty things). It'd be like having the biggest secret in the world. I'd just be smirking for the rest of my life thinking, "Oh, you guys are gonna be sooooo excited when you figure it out like me."

Again, weird, random thought.

Well, I'm going to watch a little bit of a movie and then we'll be landing and I'll begin my drive. Hope you guys are all smiles and have a safe halloween.

Later.

10/26/10
Finally, a chance to relax and blog about my life. I'm sure you're as excited as I am.

Been kinda busy lately as far as shows. I've been going up almost every night for the past week; it feels really good. I'm working out some new stuff and making a little money in the process - "OH THE JEW!" :)

I'll tell you one thing that's been sucking lately (more than my ex-girlfriend - BA-DA-BING!) is that I have a weird, infected hangnail...and it's fucking killing me. I've had these before, but for some reason this one really hurts bad. It's so funny, you take for granted when you're not in pain, you know? Like right now my finger is hurting so much that I can't remember what it's like when it's not hurting. So I've just been very grateful for the other nine fingers and how they are not in pain.

As a matter of fact, I'm thanking the big G for the pain that I don't have in my toes, eyes, ears and every other part of my body. You should too. Thank the big G...incidentally, the big G is actually "Gloria Aldred". Because if my finger hurts any longer, I'm going to hire her to sue my body for causing me pain.

You know something, I can bet we (as a society) are not that far away from sueing ourselves for just that reason.

"Your honor, as you can tell by this video I made with my girlfriend not 2 years ago, I was a sex machine. I made her reach hieghts of orgasmic delight that she has never before, nor since, been able to reach. But now, well now, look at my penis your honor. Nothing. It refuses to work properly. And this fact alone has caused immeasurable emotional and mental anguish. The last time I had a woman in my bed, it was humiliating. My penis just lied there, motionless...almost mocking me with that beady little eye of his. That's why I am sueing my penis for $50,000."

"Will the defendant please rise?...I said, will the defendant please rise?!"

"See your honor, he's mocking the judicial system now!"

"I do see. But I guess it's pointless to sentence him to hard labor, now isn't it?"

MY GOD! ALL THAT FOR A STUPID PUN! DON'T YOU FEEL RIPPED OFF!?"

Annnnnywho, I'm just hoping this finger thing goes away soon. Especially by this weekend; I'm about to start a very hectic bit of touring. I'm starting by going to upstate NY for a big college showcase, then to Lake Tahoe (with Ally) for a week, then to Boston for the Boston Comedy Festival (I'm performing on my birthday too, Nov. 1o...hint), then I'm going to Manhatten for 2 days to visit friends and family and try to do some spots, then back to Boston for a day, then back to LA for 2 days, then to Florida for a college show.

I think the word you're searching for is, "Whew". Hell, I've done worse trips...as far as hectic scheduling.

I've also gotten a few new toys in the last week. For those who follow me on Twitter you'll know that I now have an iPhone 4. My god, I really want to fuck it. Not "fuck it" in the "I hate this thing, I'm over it" way, I mean "fuck it" as in, "I love it so much I want to compulate with it." It's so bad ass. Technology is amazing.

This phone does stuff that was science fiction like 20 years ago.

Remember Total Recall or Demolition Man? When people would make video phone calls? I don't know about you, but I thought, "That's so cool. Wow, I wish that was real." And low and behold, it's becoming a true reality. You can do that on the I4...not to mention Skype, which I've already been on for a little while.

OK, Ally just walked in so I'm gonna get going. Blog to ya later.

10/17/10
Greetings my friends! Sorry it's been a few weeks since the last blog. Been busy.

Right now I'm finishing up my week in Vegas. It's been fun as usual; got to work with two friends John Diresta and Dat Phan. Both very nice and very funny. There's been an issue at the club, but it's nothing too major; hopefully be resolved soon enough.

I've written a couple of jokes about the Chilean miners this week. And they've worked pretty well, check it out:

It's only going to work for a few months, so I'm gonna get as much mileage as I can.

I've been working on Skippy's website; added a cartoon Skippy.

AND...I've got myself a new headshot...check'er out:

That's my "Very cool substitute teacher" look.

Not too much else has been going on. I'm just going through life watching the wheels go round and round as Mr. Lennon would say. I love coming to Vegas; people watching here is insane. I actually saw an elderly woman dressed as Wonder Woman at 2 am in a diner. And the best part is, NO ONE batted an eye. Viva Las Vegas indeed.

Allison was here for a few days, that's always great. I appreciate when she comes with me on gigs, but it's also good when we have our alone time. Hehehehe...

Love you baby!

OK, show's going to start so I'm heading out...later.

10/4/10
Greetings from my layover in Seattle. I'm on my way to Pullman, WA. for a college show...actually 2. I have one at 6:00 and the next at 9:00. I'm so fucking tired.

This weekend was busy as hell. I was shooting a TV project for a friend of mine; it was fun. I hadn't really acted in awhile so this was a great time. There were only a few shitty things: 1 - I had to get up early each day (I know, I know...most civilized adults get up early for work. But remember, I'm not civilized and I'm barely an adult, so :P...) 2 - I was playing a cameraman, and the camera's they gave me were pretty heavy so my back suffered a bit. Luckily I had good medicine; A2. That's for Fred.

I've just been getting up so early the last 4 or 5 days that my body is funky. I would've gotten to sleep earlier last night, but I had a show at Lovitz where I was me and Skippy. That was fun. It always amazes me how so few audience members know they're both me. I love it.

Anyway, so now I'm kinda rested. I got about 5 or so hours of sleep and then about 2 hours on the plane. Still, I could use a nap...and I'm stuck in Seattle for another 3 hours on a layover.

I'm curious about these shows tonight. It's for homecoming, so the kids should be in a good mood. I'm just praying that the shows are in some kind of theater/auditorium. Then again, I don't see the school having their homecoming activities in a library or cafeteria. We'll see.

Not too much else to talk about. Just keeping my nose to the grindstone.

Oh, I got into a really cool casting director workshop. Basically I'm going to take some "acting" type classes but they're being taught by actual, working casting directors. So if I can make a good and memorable impression to these people, they will call me in for some auditions. I'm just doing what I can to regain control of my career and break through to that next fucking level. It's there; I can feel it. I can taste it...hell, I can almost fuck it.

...was that a bit too much? I don't care; I just want it!!!

Well kids, I'm going to watch a movie or nap or something. Talk to you later.