Tonight was a great night; a real "LA Night". I was at the Improv (shocker) and I hung out with 3 really funny and sweet comediannes. We talked comedy and dating; just fun. Then I went and met another comic and we wrote at a deli from like 11:30 PM until 1:30 AM. It was so fucking cool. This is what being an LA comic is about for me; hanging out in a deli until the late hours and just write comedy. These are the stories I love to tell.

I remember, years ago, I did that with Gary Gulman before he was on Last Comic Standing. We just went to this diner after a show and talked comedy...those are the things I remember. Well, I remember a lot of things, I was just saying that those are the memories of living in LA that I look back on fondly.

I so wish I could tell you what's going on, but, again I can't. Not really for confidentiality, but because I don't like to jinx things. Do you get that way? Like if I say, "I might get my own TV show", but then it didn't happen, I'd still have everyone asking, "So, when is your show coming out?" And I'd have to keep saying, "It's not, something happened." And they'd say, "What happened?" And I'd say, "Oh, it's a long story." And they'd say, "Well I have time, tell me." And I'd say, "Shut the fuck up! I don't want to talk about it! EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!" And then I'd be alone. Sad, huh?

So I'll just tell you when things are more solid. :)

OK, I'm off to bed....HAPPY FEBRUARY!!

1/27/07
Evening all...I am exhausted, so this will most likely be a brief lil' blog.

I did my show in Dallas last night, and it was fun. The theater was beautiful and the crowd was nice, but I wasn't able to keep them on the chain for the whole show. It was weird; I'd have them and then I'd lose them. What sucked was that my last joke (which usually does really well) just sat there like a fat fart. So I ended on an awkward chuckle from the crowd. But after the show was fun, I ended up going to a strip bar (shocker) and had some fun. The owner is a cool guy who I met when I was in Dallas last November, we actually grew up in the same town in Florida. Yes, Plantation's favorite sons: One is a comedian, the other a titty bar owner...hey, either way people are entertained when they see us work. :)

Tonight was a bit fucked up. I got an email from the Improv that I was scheduled to host tomorrow night. But tonight I get a call from them asking where I was. Apparently there was a screw up and I was scheduled to host tonight. Well, there was someone there to host, but I felt horrible. Even though it wasn't my fault, I still hate to miss a set because it was a stellar line up and also, I don't want the club to think I'm flakey. I mean I never miss a scheduled spot, so I think they knew that it wasn't my fault. But still, I wanted to go there...and besides, I was planning on heading there anyway. But when I get there, another didn't show up at all, so I ended up doing a spot. Life is funny, ain't it?

I'll tell you this, I was really mad when I was driving and I had to calm myself down. It was one of those moments where I told myself that if I kept driving angry and speeding (and it was raining a bit too), that I was more likely to get into an accident and hurt myself or someone else. It was one of those moments that might've been a defining point in my life. Like you know when you do something and years later you realize how significant that moment was? Good or bad? I was seeing my future if I kept driving like that:

I'd get into an accident, hurt someone, total my car, hurt myself, lose my insurance, hurt my career, etc. I know it sounds kinda far fetched, but as a Jew I'm supposed to think the worst.

So I calmed down, slowed down and got there fine and ended up performing afterall. I'm not saying that any of that would've happened, but that fact that it didn't made me feel like I might've changed my future.

I do believe in fate; I think we're all destined to become who we are. BUT, the choices that we make on our way there are purely ours. And if we make a choice that sets us back, then we must learn from our mistake before we can reach that goal. In other words, if you're at point A, you are destined to get to point B. But the path that leads you from one point to the other is pure chance. There are infinite paths to chose; some are a direct path others take you a journey...but either way, you will eventually get to point B.

OK class, my philosophy lesson is over for the night. Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday. Night.

1/23/07
I know, I know, it's been over a week and no blog. I'm a bad, bad comedian...sorry. Well, things were just so hectic and exhausting that I honestly didn't have the time...and there's another reason, but I'll get to that later.

First of all, I did the SBCF and it was great. I meet so many cool people and I have some pics that I'll put up this week. Honestly, I didn't feel like I made as much of an impact as I did last year. It's weird; last year I had all of this attention from the folks at the festival and this year I kinda felt like I just blended in..it's weird. Although before the festival I did a lot of local TV stuff. But after it started, I just felt like I fell short of last year. Then again it was all new last year and this time everyone knew who I was. Wow, this is sounding very egocentric I think...sorry. But the most important thing was that I had fun and met great people. I saw some great shows including Jon Stewart, whom I met briefly. Also Hal Sparks and The Naked Trucker & T-Bone guys.

That pretty much took up my entire week last week...Ooo, I just went to Comedy Central's site and then have a clip of me from this years festival, Check it out.

I also had a lot of family shit going on. Long story short, my uncle had to go in for heart surgery the day I left and it was hard on my family...and it was hard to leave then. But, thank goodness, he's alright; I actually spoke to him today.

Isn't that amazingly weird? We have the technology to open up a human being, fix their HEART and sew them back up and th person lives through it. I mean shit, that is incredible....yet, we can't seem to figure out how to keep bananas from rotting after 2 days.

I started to think about my uncle though. I mean what are you thinking or dreaming about when you're under and they are opening you up? No one really remembers, but I would think that the mind is really trying to comprehend what's going on. It must know something's not right. It's like, "Hey, I'm getting a message from the lungs...they feel a draft...so does the liver...and the spleen. What the fuck!?" Well, my mind would curse, don't know about yours. It really makes you wonder where does the reality of life end? I mean in all reality when someone gets cut open, they die. That's how it's been since the beginning of time. Your entire chest is open, you die. But now, with the right medicine and equiptment, you can be opened up and not only live but have your organs fixed. Does the human mind actually comprehend that normally or does it make your dreams really fucked up while you're out?

This is the kinda shit I think about. Weird or profound? I dunno...maybe a mix of both...frofeird.

Well I'm back in my apartment now and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, I love being in Florida to see my family and friends, but after 7 weeks, I'm ready to get the hell out of there. Then again, I'll be back in 3 weeks for my parents joint birthday party. Should be fun. Oh, that's the other reason I didn't blog a lot recently. Ya see, when I've got my laptop, I hate typing on it; the keyboard is kinda small and it's a bit awkward to hold while I'm typing...especially in bed when I usually do the blog. Here in LA, I have a wireless, regular sized keyboard, much easier....hence my longer blog entry now. There ya go, more useless knowledge about me.

Oh, for those in the Dallas area, I'll be at the Lakewood Theater this Friday...come on down.

I'm off now to watch some porn (which I've missed so much) and go to bed. Hmmm, I wonder what I'll dream about...probably more porn. :)

1/14/07
Hey everyone; wow, what an exciting couple of days it has been for me. I guess I'll recap now...k? K.

Well yesterday I woke up at 4:30 in the morning (after falling asleep at 2:00...oy) and I got ready to go to the airport for my 6:15 flight to Dallas with a layover in Houston. I get the airport and board the plane. I sleep a little bit but I had forgotten my neck pillow (really a god send for traveling) so everytime I feel asleep, I would get woken up by my head jerking back and forth or my neck suddenly getting that nice, sharp pain.

So I land in Houston, grab a bite to eat and then go my gate. I notice that it's boarding so I go up to the gate and the woman says, "Oh this flight was cancelled." I said, "What!?" She said, "Yeah, the weather is really bad in Dallas." I told her I had a show tonight and I have to do a radio interview at 2:30. She said that the next flight she can get me on leaves at 2:30. I call the promoter and she said, "Well, just get here and we can do the interview via phone later in the day." I said fine. So I get the new flight and I'm trying to think about how to kill 6 hours. I didn't bring my laptop because it was supposed to be a one day trip...Oops.

So I'm sitting there and I notice that a flight was leaving to Dallas in 20 minutes. I said why is this one leaving and not the one I was on, they told me because mine was going to Dallas/Love and this one was to Dallas/Ft. Worth; a bigger airport. I ask about getting on stand by, and she says "Sure, but there are 12 people ahead of you." Of course there is, it wouldn't be a perfect day if there weren't. While I'm waiting another passenger and I started talking, he said that he's got a rental car waiting if he doesn't get on the plane. I told him my situation and he said that if I split the cost of the plane, he'd drive me there. Now normally kids, I don't take rides from strangers, but in this case, I was willing to take the chance. It would be my luck, I get killed by a serial killer on the way to a gig. Or maybe he'd pull a knife of me and say, "OK, make me laugh or I'll kill you!" And that's the moment I forget all of my material.

Didn't matter because he got on the plane. So I call the promoter and ask them if I should rent a car, she said no since the weather is supposed to get worse and they'd be worried about me driving on icey roads. Tell you the truth, I would be too. So she calls me a little later and asks if they rescheduled the show in 2 weeks, can I still do it. I said yes, and she said that's what they're going to do since the weather was so bad, they didn't think anyone would come to the show, so I should get back to Florida. So I jumped on a 10:30 flight back to Lauderdale, got in at 2:00 and slept until 5:00.

THEN I went to the Improv and ended up doing 2 shows with Jamie and then I featured the late show. Now one would think that I would go straight home to sleep after all that...nope, I was out until 4:45 in the morning with Jamie and his posse.

I'm such a partier!!!

Tonight I did another show at the Improv and then appeared on a local sports show doing comedy as a cross promotion for the South Beach Comedy Festival. It actually went alright considering I was playing to a camera and 4 people to my right.

Anyway, I'm wiped so I'm crashing...night.

1/7/07
Going to make this short since I have to be up early for a dentist appointment. Am I thrilled about that? You betcha!

OK, so the "80's Movie Quote Contest" going on over at the Message Boards is heating up. I've had a lot of emails and A LOT of people are getting the hardest ones correct. Two people have gotten 14 out of the 15...there's still time. I have to be honest, I think some of the people are using google to figure some of them out. Like I said, there is one that is really obscure that a few people who, like myself, didn't really leave the house too much in the 80s. But the fact that EVERYONE got this one really makes me question their honesty. Well, there's not way to know for sure...but they know who they are, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS!!!

Oh, and if you're on the boards, check out this nice post from sheekchik, Flip in FLA. I've got to admit, it's very flattering.

Well, I'm off to dream about scrapping of my teeth and gums...oy. Night.

1/4/07
Once again I find myself sitting up at 1:30 AM typing away on the blog because I always wait until the exact moment I want to sleep to realize I haven't written in here in a few days.

Well, there is some excitment going on over at the Message Boards...I've posted 15 new 80s movie quotes for a new contest. Go on over and check it out. There are some really obscure ones this time...not that the last ones were all that easy. It's funny, as I think of these I wonder if they're too easy...so I read a few to some friends and they say, "Jesus, I didn't even know that movie existed." I guess I'm just a well of useless trivia. I really am. Tonight I was watching Jeopardy with my mom and I knew two answers strictly because of pop culture...well, I knew a few more than two, it's just that those specific two I knew because of pop culture.

One question was (and please keep in mind that I'm paraphrasing these): "Who in the Bible said about Jesus, 'I don't know him!'" The answer? Peter. Now how did a Jew know this? Because in Jesus Christ Superstar the line is said..er, sung.

The other question was about beans but this one ended with the sentence, "and it goes great with a nice bottle of kiante" (I'm sure I spelled that wrong). But of course those are farvar (sp?) beans and of course that's a famous quote from Bambi...kidding. The Silence of the Lambs. My mom was impressed, I told her that all the TV and movies I watched did come in handy.

Damn, can't keep my eyes open...Oh, if anyone is in the South Florida area this weekend, come on by the Improv for the 11:45 PM show and see me. You can get in FREE with the Jewpon.

Night.

1/2/07
Happy New Year everyone! OK, so I'm a day late, forgive me; I think everyone deserves that one day after new years for recovery. Actually my new years wasn't all that exciting. I did perform and brought the new years in (for the 10th year in a row) on stage...click here for pics. But after the show, I had a few drinks, hung out, met some other friends for a bit and went home. I was sleeping by 2:30...kinda tame compared to my first new years.

I was working at the old Comedy Corner in W. Palm Beach with John Pinette, and (long story short), I got to bed at around 6:00...and I was the first one to go to sleep! Comics can party. I think I wrote about it saying that I went out to play with the big boys and ended up the bat boy. It was fun...actually that was the night another comic taught me the proper way to throw up. I'm serious. "OK Flip, take a hold of this newspaper stand so you don't fall over...now lean over, plant your feet apart so you don't get puke on them, and just tickle the back of your throat just a little and viola!" You know, now that I think about it, he might've been bulemic.

So now I'm off for a week. Today I went to my cousin Mathew's briss today...always fun. The kid is so fucking cute though. I mean how the hell do we start out like that? I was looking at his face; at his eyes really. I was just wondering if he has any clue as to what's going on. Not to the actual circumsision, but to life. To people. To existence.

Did you ever see Baby Geniuses? The movie suggests that babies are born with unmeasurable intelligence and that they know the secrets to the universe, but can't communicate with adults; only other babies. But when they reach a certain age (like 18 months or something), they lose it and become "normal". It's an interesting idea...I mean seriously, who remembers much before 2 or 3? My earliest, clear memory is at 3 when my brother was brought home from the hospital. I remember standing on my kitchen table, standing on my pillow case (which was my security blanket), looking out the window and seeing my parents coming home with my brother. It's clear as day to me. Now, do I remember what the secret to life is? Nope. I do know the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42...just not sure of the question.

Anyway, I'm off to have some dinner with my brother, so I bid you adue and wish you all the best in 2007.